Some people call it a tribe. Others call it a support system or board of directors. No matter what you title it, we all need a trustworthy and loyal group of people surrounding us who unconditionally care for us; listen intently when we share ideas, thoughts, and feelings; keep our secrets; and believe that we can achieve our dreams, even when we are feeling uncertain about our path forward.
So what are some of the main characteristics of a true supporter?
A true supporter has your best interest in mind. This person asks you the right kinds of questions when you are contemplating change in your life. They may ask you honest, introspective questions like, “What are you getting out of this decision?” or “What is going to make you truly happy right now?” They do not think of themselves and what they are going to receive personally from your decision. In short, they are placing your happiness above their own.
A true supporter is not envious of your success. The people in your inner circle should be your biggest cheerleaders. When the rest of the world is booing, they should be rooting you on from the sidelines. A true supporter believes in you, in your talents, and in making the kinds of adjustments in your life that instigate positive change. When everyone else says, “Good luck with that,” a true supporter says, “What can I do to help?” or “Let me make a phone call.” And when you do achieve what you believe to be success, a true supporter is not afraid to let you and everyone they know how great you are.
A true supporter speaks the truth in a gentle, nonconfrontational way. This person knows that deep inside, you want the truth. But you don’t want to receive the truth in a way that is hurtful, brash, or self-serving. You want the truth delivered with a calmness that is encouraging yet honest. This person often speaks the truth while offering other options to consider that do not leave you wanting more, but instead believing that you can still achieve your goals, just in a different way.
A true supporter forgives you for your missteps. A true supporter believes that in forgiving others, they set themselves free. This person forgives you for sometimes speaking from pain, guilt, grief, or anger while reminding you that we are all imperfect. A true supporter releases resentment and replaces it with understanding. This person never holds a grudge and encourages others in your inner circle to follow their lead.
A true supporter helps you see a way forward. When we become immersed in the messiness of daily life, it can sometimes be difficult to see a way out. A true supporter reminds us that tomorrow is a new day filled with fresh opportunities to become better versions of ourselves. This person not only helps you move forward, but also provides support every step of the way, especially when you are feeling afraid, lost, or alone.
Surrounding yourself with a positive, supportive inner circle is the best thing you can do for you. Always remember that you deserve it. And then pay it forward and be that person for someone else.
“It doesn't matter how many people you meet in your life; you just need the real ones who accept you for who you are and help you become who you should be.” ― Roy T. Bennett
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.