Staying Present through Five Questions

It’s a struggle most of us face every day—to be fully present in every moment. Because the average person has between 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts racing through their mind from when they first awaken to when they close their eyes at night, staying present can seem like a daunting task. Despite these challenges, it is possible to live in the here and now as often as we can.

“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”

—Abraham Maslow

There are several ways to train our minds to stay in the present that include meditation, journaling, yoga, and prayer. Yet sometimes we are not in a place where it is effective to utilize these practices.

The practice detailed below, easily implemented anywhere, can help you rely on the five senses to gently move your mind back into the present moment.

When you feel yourself living in the past or the future, stop what you are doing and ask yourself the following five questions.

In this moment ….

What do I hear? (this may be the sound of birds chirping, the clicking of your fingers on a computer keyboard, or a car speeding past)

What do I see? (this may be photos on a wall, your co-workers, or a flickering candle)

What do I smell? (this could be coffee brewing, the fresh air after a rain, or dinner on the stove)

What can I touch? (this may be your steering wheel, a stress ball on your desk, or the skin on the top of your hand)

What do I taste? (this may be a piece of candy in your mouth, the coffee you’re sipping, or the meal you are eating)

As you ask yourself these questions, pay attention to your breathing. As it slows, take notice of how your mind is gradually moving into a place of calm and peace. If you feel your thoughts drifting again, gently ease your mind back to the present by intently paying attention what you are hearing, seeing, smelling, touching, and tasting in every moment.

Learning to be present through these five questions can be a powerful practice that can guide you to consistently feeling more peaceful, fulfilled, and happy.

You don’t have to be perfect in life, just present.

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.

Make the Now the primary focus of your life.”

—Eckhart Tolle

This post is original content, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Calm the Nervous System with This One Simple Practice

During times of chaos or stress, our nervous systems are programmed to go into overdrive. This reaction to stress first began thousands of years ago when humans needed to anticipate threats in order to survive in harsh environments.

In today’s world, stress, and its effects on the nervous system, can cause a host of health problems including high blood pressure, tense muscles, a weakened immune system, anxiety, and addictive behaviors—unless we are able to incorporate regular practices that keep us calm, even during difficult times.

Below is a three-step simple process that can be performed anywhere and anytime. This practice is easy to remember, easy to implement, and has fabulous results:

Step 1: Recognize when you are becoming overwhelmed or stressed. Physical symptoms can be a rapid heartbeat, a cold sweat, irritability, or eye twitching.

Step 2: Once you are aware that you need to calm your nervous system, close your eyes and imagine yourself floating in a pool on your back. You can hear the world around you, but it is muffled like when your ears fill with water. Breathe deeply, in through your nostrils and out through your mouth. Do this 10 times while still imagining yourself floating in a pool.

Step 3: Imagine the best possible outcome to the current situation you’re facing. Now repeat to yourself three times, “I will be okay no matter what.” Open your eyes.

It’s no secret that life is hard. The trick to staying calm is practicing awareness and then incorporating simple exercises that help us live in the moment, have hope, and know that we will survive.

This post is original content, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

A Simple Way to Stop Gossiping, Complaining, and Criticizing

You may have seen her on Saturday Night Live. She’s Debbie Downer and she’s a real downer. When she goes out with her group of optimistic, happy friends, it is not long before she brings the entire clan down with her depressing comments about injuries, accidents, and illness. We all may know a Debbie Downer, but we also understand that we’ve all done it at one time or another—and may even do it several times a day. When we complain, gossip, and criticize others, we bring negative energy into not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us. Just turn on the news and you realize how easy it is to be a Debbie Downer these days.

In the book A Complaint Free World, Will Bowen suggests wearing a bracelet or rubber band around the wrist to tackle the challenge of eliminating this habit or pattern. Every time you catch yourself complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, you must move the bracelet to your other wrist. You may not remove the bracelet entirely until you have gone twenty-one days straight without gossiping, complaining, or criticizing.

Is it hard to quit gossiping, complaining, and criticizing? Definitely. While this practice may not be perfect for everyone, it does create awareness, which is the first step in initiating positive change in our lives.

While attempting to create awareness, it may be easier to tackle one habit or pattern at a time. For example, for the first seven days, focus on decreasing gossip. During the second week, turn your attention toward complaining. In the third week, do your best to address your criticism of others.

In the beginning of this practice, your bracelet may move quickly from wrist-to-wrist as you learn how often you have been allowing negative comments to surround your life like a black cloud. But then, after a few days, you may notice that you are switching your bracelet from wrist-to-wrist less often. Even better, you most likely are beginning to feel happier. Without being allowed to gossip, criticize, or complain, you could be smiling, laughing, and spreading positivity more often. What could be better than that?

You may never make it twenty-one days without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, but you might get close. The book suggests that this process of changing how we view life may take as long as four to eight months, but isn’t that a short period of time in an entire life? Suddenly, it doesn’t seem like an unrealistic goal at all.

Simply put, when you feel the bracelet on your wrist, it reminds you that you are a work-in-progress. Although you are not perfect, you are perfectly capable of becoming a better person with every day.

All blog content is original, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Why Looking Back Helps You Look Forward

As a year ends and a new one awaits on the horizon, we are offered an exceptional opportunity to reflect on the past twelve months, identify what we have learned, and then carry forward those lessons to make the next year even better. One of the most valuable aspects of this practice is that it helps us remember that we are not expected to be perfect while we are here and that there are no failures—simply lessons.  

 “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” 

--Sophia Bush 

While taking time to remember what you have learned, it is optimal to document your identified lessons in writing followed by a positive action step, inspired by this lesson, you would like to take forward into the next year. This allows you to view your life from another angle. An example of a lesson might be: 

I’ve learned that it is important for me to be adventurous. To explore the world. To go to new places and find out how others live. To listen to their stories. To learn that we are all more alike than different. These experiences are what make me feel alive and part of something much bigger. 

Action Step for 2023: I will plan two trips that take me out of my comfort zone and allow me to gain new experiences and insights. 

 “Everyday life teaches us a new lesson without any classroom.” 

--Danish Khan 

Another example might be: 

I’ve learned to own my truth and individuality. In order to attain my best life, I will identify what I want for myself (not what others want for me), and then determinedly head down this path. I will not feel critical of myself for pursuing what makes me happy. 

Action Step for 2023: I will create a weekly list of goals to achieve that move me one step closer every day toward my ideal life. 

This end-of-the-year practice also encourages you to talk back to the inner critic who is constantly telling you that you must be perfect, that you must compete with others to be happy, and that your fears are bigger than your dreams. It also allows you to release other negative thoughts that are holding you back from moving forward with a positive outlook. Finally, this practice empowers you to remember that you are the one who controls your life and attitude. 

 “Why let go of yesterday? Because yesterday has already let go of you.” 

--Steve Maraboli 

Before 2022 ends, become the most curious person you know. It’s time to get to know yourself on an even deeper level by taking an honest, nonjudgmental look at the past year, and then using what you learn to create a clear plan going forward that brings you more fulfillment and encourages you to shine your unique light onto the world. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Are You Fully Alive?

When asked, many of us might describe the majority of our days as simply ordinary. We go to work, come home, watch television, and go to bed. The next day we wash, rinse, and repeat. Although we know that every day can’t be exciting, it can still sometimes feel like we are in autopilot, methodically moving through each activity or habit without fully living in the moment. 

 You have the power to transform your thinking, anytime, anywhere. 

A friend once shared that when she is experiencing something new or exciting, she throws her head back, raises both her arms in the air, and yells, “I’M ALIVE!” This fun practice is such a great reminder to not just yourself, but to everyone around you to celebrate every extraordinary life experience. 

Whether you are riding a roller coaster, hiking a challenging trail, falling madly in love, traveling the world, giving a speech, taking candid photos, creating art, teaching others a skill, helping someone in trouble, or learning or trying something new, these moments in time provide an opportunity to stop, find joy in the experience, and then celebrate your existence in your own unique way. 

Occasionally reminding ourselves that we are fully alive is an extremely valuable step toward realizing happiness and fulfillment. 

 It is possible to celebrate your life every day in small ways. 

Right now, think about what are you doing when you feel fully alive. How often are you doing these activities that bring joy, make you feel proud of yourself, or build confidence? Replace one mundane habit (watching television) with a new habit (taking an art class) that pairs a concrete action step with your new pledge to live fully. 

 Do more of the things that make you come alive. 

Life is meant to be lived, not endured.  

Why are you here? I’m certain you are not here to robotically navigate through every day while wondering if this is all there is to life. What I am certain of is that you are here for an important reason – to fully live. 

There’s no time to waste. Get busy celebrating life and your beautiful existence. 

(Need an example? Watch the below video of Masaka Kids celebrating their lives!)

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

The Value of Setting a Daily Intention

We are all guided by values we hold close. Just like we are all different, our values are as well. Yet even though we do our best to place importance on our values on a regular basis, we sometimes push ahead in life without remembering what they are or using them to help guide our decisions and realize goals.

There is tremendous value in reviewing our bigger goals and then setting a daily intention for ourselves that helps us get there, one step at a time. Intentions can be set in the mind or documented through a daily journaling practice that invites us to look back whenever we want to see how far we have traveled while on our personal growth journeys. Writing down an intention for the day as the sun rises allows us to look forward to see the possibilities that await us. Every sunset provides an opportunity to review our intentions and determine whether they were valuable in helping us get to where we want to be. If not, there is always tomorrow to reset and create a better intention.

The beautiful thing about the intention-setting practice is that you are in charge of the entire process. An intention can address your desire to take better care of yourself, it can address how you want to present yourself to the world, or it can address a specific goal. There are no rules. Setting an intention every day places you on a clear path. You are the expert of your own life. You know what you need and want. Intentions gently remind you of what you need and want and then help you get there.

Here are a few examples:

To be guided by joy and love in all I do today.

To let go of the sense of urgency to get everything done today.

To find and embrace the inner peace that is always within my reach.

To eat healthfully and treat my body like a sacred vessel.

To look forward, not back.

To practice gratitude for all the simple gifts life provides every day.

To just be.

To find purpose in every step I take today.

To be okay with where I am right here, right now.

To walk with confidence.

To journey in grace with myself and others.

To be okay with whatever happens today and in whatever order it comes.

Setting intentions is a powerful practice that can guide you to attain the life you desire. All you have to do is wait for the next sunrise to start the transformation.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Which Wolf Are You Feeding?

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

As we begin 2022, this well-known, profound story can provide inspiration when asking ourselves how we would like to proceed forward in life. Although what happens in life on a daily basis can often feel out of our control, the truth is that we have more in our control than we realize.

While understanding that life is full of as many struggles as joys, choosing the right mindset is critical to moving forward in a positive way, despite our challenges. Life evolves every day and provides us with different obstacles, bridges to cross, and choices to make. When everything feels overwhelming, we often begin battling a variety of emotions that can include self-pity, resentment, anger, and even regret. Despite our best efforts to keep our heads above water, these feelings can result in negative self-talk and leave us struggling to find balance and peace of mind.

This is the time to ask yourself a simple question:

Which wolf do I want to feed today?

Attaining inner peace and contentment is all about the way you think. Practice awareness, remind yourself that you have choices, transform your mindset as often as possible, and then welcome the positive results into your life.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Where is Your Happy Place?

Many years ago while my daughter was making a rather poor attempt to not itch a mosquito bite, I encouraged her to go to her happy place to quell her uncontrollable need to scratch. In a last desperate effort, she sat on her hands, closed her eyes, and smiled. Curious, I asked her, “Where are you right now?

“In Cheeto Land,” she replied. “It’s a special island where everything is made of Cheetos. The furniture, the roads, and even my teachers are made of Cheetos.” She sighed with pleasure as she murmured, “It is crunchy deliciousness.” With one look at her face, I knew she had truly arrived in her happy place. For a brief moment, the itchy mosquito bite was forgotten and so were all of her troubles. Truthfully, who wouldn’t be happy in Cheeto Land?

My happy place is anywhere in nature. Whether I am by water listening to the waves lap against the shore or on a mountain trail listening to the crunching of leaves under my feet, it is there where I find the most inner-peace and happiness. I choose not to ask why, but instead choose to embrace that this is the place where I feel I most belong.

Sometimes life is challenging, sad, and leaves more questions than answers. Yet for all of us, happiness still waits at our doorstep. It is up to each one of us if we choose to let it in.

Happiness doesn’t need to be pursued like a criminal on the run, but instead, should be acknowledged and welcomed when it quietly tiptoes into our lives like a mother who wants to kiss her baby good-night without waking her.

Happiness can arrive with the simplest of wishes or daydreams—whether it is to dip our toes in the water, watch the sun setting behind a mountain, or to eat our way from one end of Cheeto Land to another.

Happiness is not about what kind of car you drive, how big your house is, or how much money you have in the bank. Happiness is about right now—this very moment—and whether your spirit is joyfully dancing. So the next time you hear a quiet knocking at your door, open it. It might just be happiness waiting to come in and stay a while.

“If you want to be happy, be.”

--Leo Tolstoy

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Exercise: Viewing Life with Awe

On October 13, 2021, ninety-year-old William Shatner became the oldest man to fly in space via the Blue Origin rocket. After the craft touched down on Earth eleven minutes later, Shatner emerged, obviously touched by his experience.

While relaying his post-voyage feelings to Jeff Bezos, Shatner wiped tears and said, “I hope I never recover from this. I hope that I can maintain what I feel now. I just don’t want to lose it.” In short, Shatner was changed forever simply by changing his perspective and seeing the awe in life.

When was the last time you changed your perspective and viewed your life with awe?

 You don’t have to fly to space on a rocket to feel something similar to what Shatner experienced that day. All you have to do is observe your life, experiences, and challenges from a different viewpoint or angle.

Today, make an effort to see your life just as William Shatner saw space and Earth—with wonder, awe, and excitement. All of this in the vast universe—nature, love, difficulties, and joys—is here just for you.

Think about this. You are just a tiny speck in a vast universe. The fact that you are even here is a miracle in itself. As you plug away doing the best you can every day to be a better person, make a contribution, and spread love, it’s important to never lose that feeling of awe and to remember that you are here for a reason.

You are a miracle who has experiences unlike any other in the world. You have the ability to view the world in your own, awe-inspiring way while knowing that what you hold in your head and heart from your experiences and views of your life are yours to keep.

Go outdoors and look up at the enormous sky. Think about all the miracles that surround you every day. Airplanes soaring. Clouds floating by. Birds flying. Stars twinkling. Listen to the wind in the trees. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. All of these are wonders never to be taken for granted.

Be like William Shatner and make a pledge to stay in awe mode. Always.

“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”—Albert Einstein

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - Making Decisions without Becoming Overwhelmed

The thought of making difficult decisions can be overwhelming at times. Because of this, we often become stuck at a crossroads, unable to move forward in life. Guided by our fears of making the wrong decision, we stay in a place where we may not feel fulfilled or content.

The trick to successfully navigating through your thoughts to make the best decision for you is learning to utilize the three voices in life: the head, the heart, and the gut. Each has an important purpose in the decision-making process:

The head creates rules that include core beliefs, expectations, and an objective review of what is possible and not possible.

The heart holds our true desires.

The gut gives us permission to follow what’s in our heart.

Today, think of something positive or good that you would like to see more of in your life. Perhaps you want to live closer to nature. Maybe you want deeper relationships or a more fulfilling job. Close your eyes and place yourself in that picture. See it. Feel it. Invite this experience inside of you.

Now, focus in and listen to what your head is telling you about this experience. Often, your head tells you what you should do. Leave that thought for now.

Next, listen to what your heart is telling you. This will most likely be very different from what your head is telling you. These are your true desires. Step back from these thoughts and leave them there.

Finally, go a little deeper and listen to your gut. Our gut instinct is what we already know deep inside. This is our validator. What is it saying about your decision and desire to pursue this thing you really want more of in your life? Stay there for a few moments. Really listen.

Open your eyes. You should now have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

As you become aware of these three voices and the important part each plays in the decision-making process, bringing them all together as one cohesive voice will help you mindfully contemplate your options, confidently make decisions, and then take small action steps every day that move you in a more positive direction.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.