Are You Fully Alive?

When asked, many of us might describe the majority of our days as simply ordinary. We go to work, come home, watch television, and go to bed. The next day we wash, rinse, and repeat. Although we know that every day can’t be exciting, it can still sometimes feel like we are in autopilot, methodically moving through each activity or habit without fully living in the moment. 

 You have the power to transform your thinking, anytime, anywhere. 

A friend once shared that when she is experiencing something new or exciting, she throws her head back, raises both her arms in the air, and yells, “I’M ALIVE!” This fun practice is such a great reminder to not just yourself, but to everyone around you to celebrate every extraordinary life experience. 

Whether you are riding a roller coaster, hiking a challenging trail, falling madly in love, traveling the world, giving a speech, taking candid photos, creating art, teaching others a skill, helping someone in trouble, or learning or trying something new, these moments in time provide an opportunity to stop, find joy in the experience, and then celebrate your existence in your own unique way. 

Occasionally reminding ourselves that we are fully alive is an extremely valuable step toward realizing happiness and fulfillment. 

 It is possible to celebrate your life every day in small ways. 

Right now, think about what are you doing when you feel fully alive. How often are you doing these activities that bring joy, make you feel proud of yourself, or build confidence? Replace one mundane habit (watching television) with a new habit (taking an art class) that pairs a concrete action step with your new pledge to live fully. 

 Do more of the things that make you come alive. 

Life is meant to be lived, not endured.  

Why are you here? I’m certain you are not here to robotically navigate through every day while wondering if this is all there is to life. What I am certain of is that you are here for an important reason – to fully live. 

There’s no time to waste. Get busy celebrating life and your beautiful existence. 

(Need an example? Watch the below video of Masaka Kids celebrating their lives!)

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Who Are You?

Photo by Vicky DeCoster

Finding and then embracing our true identity can be one of our biggest challenges in life. While trying to determine who we are and what purpose we are destined to fulfill while here, we can often feel weighed down, confused, frustrated, and in need of answers. 

When feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to stop for a moment, retreat into nature, breathe deeply, and look around. In nature, there are no two trees alike, no two animals alike, no two plants alike, no two hiking trails alike, no two sunrises alike, and no two sunsets alike. 

As you take in the gifts that nature provides every day and take note of their one-of-a-kind beauty, now is the time to remember that in the entire universe, there is no one else just like you. You are full of opinions, ideas, and love—all unique to you.  

Today, I am sharing an original poem that may help you remember that just like the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything else in nature, you are exactly how you are meant to be. As you grow, develop, and bravely step outside your comfort zone, believe that everything in your life is progressing just as it should. Be open to learning, seeing yourself with compassionate eyes, and knowing that your journey is yours and yours alone. 

You are the one and only you. Be proud, stand tall, and never give up. 

 I AM 

By Vicky DeCoster 

 I am 

like a star in the sky 

that illuminates the darkness 

In its own way. 

I am 

like the moon 

that glows in all its unique glory 

amid a vast universe. 

I am 

like a blade of grass 

that blows in a gentle breeze 

graceful yet resilient. 

I am 

like the sun 

that warms the Earth 

while reminding of new beginnings. 

I am 

like the water 

that flows downstream 

and helps shape all within its reach. 

I am 

like the sun, the moon, the stars, 

and everything else in nature 

just how I am meant to be. 

I am me. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Understanding and Communicating Your Perceptions

Perception is complicated. What we see when looking at the same thing—whether it’s art, a complex problem, a crime scene, or two people having a conversation—can widely differ between us. It should not be viewed as a setback or frustration when we all don’t see things alike. In fact, when we see things differently, it can be a tremendous asset in resolving challenges.  

“What you see is not what others see. We inhabit parallel worlds of perception, bounded by our interests and experience. What is obvious to some is invisible to others.”—George Monbiot 

The Art of Perception® in New York City is an organization that educates professionals and other leaders on how to enhance their observations of visual information and then effectively communicate those observations to the outside world.  

Its founder, Amy Herman, created the four As as a simple way to help others navigate through their unique perceptions of the world around them, and then clearly convey what they have seen to others. When viewing a situation or problem, try implementing the four As to gain a clearer understanding of your own perceptions as well as the perceptions of others:  

ASSESS:                      Stop and look. What do you really see? Take your time. 

ANALYZE:                   What is important and not important about what you see? 

ARTICULATE:              How do you want to communicate what you have seen to others? 

ADAPT OR ACT:         What do you want to do? Change your behavior to adapt to the situation or change the situation and make a difference? 

By assessing, analyzing, articulating, and adapting or acting on our perceptions, we are better able to find common ground with others around us, a path forward, and a greater appreciation of how our minds work differently to produce great ideas and solutions. 

Invite in the quiet and then open your mind to viewing and sharing your perceptions in a new way. It is through this practice that we not only learn more about ourselves, but also how to understand and respect the perceptions of those around us. 

 “There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” ―Aldous Huxley 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

The Value of Setting a Daily Intention

We are all guided by values we hold close. Just like we are all different, our values are as well. Yet even though we do our best to place importance on our values on a regular basis, we sometimes push ahead in life without remembering what they are or using them to help guide our decisions and realize goals.

There is tremendous value in reviewing our bigger goals and then setting a daily intention for ourselves that helps us get there, one step at a time. Intentions can be set in the mind or documented through a daily journaling practice that invites us to look back whenever we want to see how far we have traveled while on our personal growth journeys. Writing down an intention for the day as the sun rises allows us to look forward to see the possibilities that await us. Every sunset provides an opportunity to review our intentions and determine whether they were valuable in helping us get to where we want to be. If not, there is always tomorrow to reset and create a better intention.

The beautiful thing about the intention-setting practice is that you are in charge of the entire process. An intention can address your desire to take better care of yourself, it can address how you want to present yourself to the world, or it can address a specific goal. There are no rules. Setting an intention every day places you on a clear path. You are the expert of your own life. You know what you need and want. Intentions gently remind you of what you need and want and then help you get there.

Here are a few examples:

To be guided by joy and love in all I do today.

To let go of the sense of urgency to get everything done today.

To find and embrace the inner peace that is always within my reach.

To eat healthfully and treat my body like a sacred vessel.

To look forward, not back.

To practice gratitude for all the simple gifts life provides every day.

To just be.

To find purpose in every step I take today.

To be okay with where I am right here, right now.

To walk with confidence.

To journey in grace with myself and others.

To be okay with whatever happens today and in whatever order it comes.

Setting intentions is a powerful practice that can guide you to attain the life you desire. All you have to do is wait for the next sunrise to start the transformation.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Where Does Happiness Come From?

In Tanzania, the power often goes out during a rainstorm. On a recent occasion, a group of small children applauded instead of complaining about the darkness. When an adult asked them why they were so happy to be in the dark, they replied, “Now we can sit around a candle and talk about our days.” Later, the children decided to also seize the moment to dance and sing. 

Even at such a young age, these children have already grasped that happiness comes from recognizing each moment—even the inconvenient or challenging ones—as an opportunity to find joy and learn. 

Happiness comes from the moments when we are able to find joy in the little gifts that life places in front of us. It is about changing our perspective. It is about practicing gratitude for the teachable experiences that provide a valuable lesson for us to take forward in a positive way. 

Instead of lamenting about how difficult life can be at times, we choose to identify the blessings and then readjust our mindset by asking ourselves, “What do I need to do differently in this moment to feel gratitude instead of resentment?” 

Life is challenging, unpredictable, and full of change. Happiness can sometimes be elusive. Even so, it is important to remember that we have more control over how we react and feel about our experiences than we think. 

Change your perspective and invite happiness in to celebrate every teachable moment with you. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Being Okay with Being Yourself

Most of us probably have felt like we didn’t belong at some point during our lifetime. Whether this event occurs on the playground, at work, or at a party, it can leave us with an unsettling feeling that, whether we realize it or not, often prompts us to question our characteristics, values, and personality traits and then wonder, “Why am I not good enough?” or “What’s wrong with me?”  

Truth be known, research studies have proven that humans are instinctively programmed with a desire to fit in, and will sometimes even alter their behavior in minor ways to do so. We all want to be unconditionally accepted for who we are, and it is our fear of rejection that often drives our need to belong. Yet, sometimes our quest to be accepted is not healthy, especially when that desire causes us to overhaul our entire personalities and become someone we’re not.  

 It can be exhausting to be a fake version of ourselves. 

If you are feeling the need to undergo a major transformation every day to fit into a certain environment, it may be time for you to evaluate whether you are presenting your true self to the world. Here are a few introspective questions that can lead you through the self-evaluation process:  

1. Who is my support group, and do they have my back at all times?

2. Is there anyone toxic in my support group who does not want the best for me?

3. Do I need to create boundaries to eliminate toxic influences?

4. Do I feel like I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole when I am at work?

5. Is there another professional role for me that would be a better fit or is it the culture?

6. If the answer is “no” to the above two questions, what would I like to be doing instead or what kind of culture would better fit my personality and core values?

7. What is my best characteristic?

8. Am I proudly presenting that characteristic to the world every day or am I trying to push it down and being someone I’m not?

9. Who am I really? (List all your characteristics and then circle how many you are currently exhibiting to the world on a daily basis.)

10. What is one thing I can do today that will lead me down a better path to being my true self, everywhere and all the time?

Think of it this way. Chemistry is important in every relationship and in nearly all situation in life. When we feel the right chemistry either with those around us or in any environment, we feel accepted, appreciated, and encouraged to be ourselves. No one can really explain chemistry. It’s a feeling. A nudge. A flutter in the gut. It’s either there or it’s not. Pay attention to the chemistry in your relationships and environments. If it’s not evident, move on. 

In the future, if you find you’re acting like someone you’re not the majority of the time, then ask yourself this powerful question:  

 Is this my ideal life, or am I living someone else’s? 

Then begin the self-evaluation process. It’s an insightful and extremely important step to ensuring you are being your authentic and unique self, always and forever. It’s really about accepting yourself and all your special qualities, isn’t it? There’s no one else exactly like you. Be yourself, love who you are, and you’ll be a magnet that attracts your best life. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Is the Endless Search for Purpose Easier than You Think?

Searching for our purpose in life can seem like an overwhelming task that requires constant thought and life-changing decisions. Sometimes the daunting question, “What is my purpose?” can send us on a decades-long quest for the answer, to no avail.   

Left seemingly without hope, we trudge back into our comfort zones where we mistakenly consider ourselves noncontributors to the world. To really make ourselves miserable, we then take a tour through hundreds of lives on social media and lament that everyone else is living their dream but you. Sound familiar? 

What if switching your mindset is all you need to put this endless search to rest? 

It’s as simple as this: we are all here to make the world a better place, one day at a time. Rather than searching for a larger purpose for decades, why not pursue your universal purpose every day? Viewing purpose with this simpler approach allows you to take the pressure off yourself to find an immediate answer and instead focuses on creating an empowering path forward where you take control to realize a life of courage, service, and consistent personal growth. 

 What are you going to do today to help fulfill your purpose

of making the world a better place? 

Here are a few ideas to get you started: 

Plant a garden. 

Help a friend. 

Make a pot of soup to share with a neighbor.  

Smile at a stranger. 

Write a poem. 

Feed the birds in your backyard. 

Read a good book and then gift it to a local assisted living facility. 

Encourage someone who needs a boost. 

Volunteer at a homeless shelter. 

Rescue an animal. 

Pick up trash while on a walk. 

Remember, no one is going to fulfill each of these tasks exactly the way you do. Although your purpose may be universal, your perspective and approach are unique. There is no one else exactly like you. 

When you relax, refocus, and revamp the way you look at life and your overall purpose, you will no longer have the time or inclination to compare your path to that of others. 

Every day that you inch your way outside your comfort zone by doing something to make the world a better place, you are fulfilling your universal purpose and becoming a better person in the process.  

It’s just that easy. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

How to Persevere through Change and Obstacles

While participating in a school track meet, a ten-year-old boy accidentally ran right out of one of his sneakers. In a split second, he made a choice that would dictate how he would navigate through his life from that point forward. Instead of stopping to pick it up or put it back on, he quickly adjusted his mindset, left the shoe behind, kept running, and beat all his competitors to win the race. A few years later, that same boy went on to secure two gold medals in the Olympics.

“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races, one after the other.”

–Walter Elliott

Perseverance is critical to achieving our goals, navigating through change, and enduring unforeseen challenges. Even though we all understand the importance of perseverance to help us stay focused while on a journey through change or to find contentment or success in life, our inner-critic often attempts to override our best intentions to keep at it by telling us, “You can’t do this,” or “You’re not good enough,” or “You will probably fail.” As a result, this fixed mindset ultimately holds us back from achieving our dreams, learning, and experiencing life in its fullest form. Although this fixed mindset can feel comfortable and safe, it most likely leaves us feeling stagnant, miserable, and hopeless. The good news is that a fixed mindset is a habit that can be changed.

“Perseverance is a choice. It’s not a simple, one-time choice; it’s a daily one …”

–Margaret J. Wheatley

In order to persevere through challenging times or even routine everyday experiences, it is possible to make decisions, even in seconds, that push us to continue on, if for no other reason than to see what’s around the next corner. By changing our internal dialogue from “You can’t do this,” to “You can try and see where this leads you,” we are making a conscious decision to alter our perspective to a growth mindset, a belief that encourages us to change the course of our lives through action.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done,”

–Nelson Mandela

The next time you are facing a seemingly insurmountable obstacle or a change that terrifies you, think about the story of the ten-year-old boy who made a split-second choice to persevere, readjust his mindset, and finish the race strong. 

By setting small action steps every day that move you forward, quiet your inner-critic, guide you around obstacles, and help you press through change, you too can persevere to achieve great things.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoac

Three Ways to Conquer Self-Doubt

Our bodies and minds are programmed to protect us from danger. While this is an important human characteristic when hiking in bear country or escaping from a burning building, this caveperson mindset can also hold us back from taking normal, calculated risks in life.

Part of creating a viable game plan as you move forward through life is first determining where you want to be in the immediate future, say three or six months from now. That’s the fun part. But often what occurs after the plan is created is that paralyzing thoughts, patterns, and obstacles (sometimes imagined; sometimes real) cause indecision which leads you to become stuck, exhausted, and frustrated while treading water in a big lonely ocean and watching everyone else swim to a beautiful island where their dreams await.

Guess what? The people who are swimming not treading water aren’t any wiser than you, more courageous, or creative. They have already realized the secret to energetically moving forward toward a goal: a willingness to make mistakes and learn, to walk through their fears, and then take action steps every day that gets them to where they want to go.

So what can you begin doing today to conquer your self-doubt and stop treading water? Grab a journal or notebook and begin documenting your thoughts related to the following:

1. Identify and break down your habit (yes, habit) of hesitation. How do you feel and act when you are in hesitation mode and treading water (Frantic? Overwhelmed? Angry?)? What are you overthinking and why? Why is it important for you to be perfect and never make mistakes or fail?

2. Pinpoint your fears. Why are you procrastinating? What are your behaviors / emotions when you procrastinate? What is your biggest fear? Does this fear really matter in the end? If so, how can you tackle this fear?

3. Identify what is holding you back. Why do you feel helpless? Why are you making one excuse after the other, perhaps even playing the victim sometimes? In what ways can you take back control of your life and goals, listen to your gut, and not depend on others to tell you what to do?

Now, write down three action steps you can take, starting tomorrow, that propel you forward into better days. This useful practice isn’t just a one-time exercise. Taking small steps every day toward a bigger goal leads to perseverance through obstacles, confident behavior, and ultimately, success.

Go after it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Which Wolf Are You Feeding?

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

As we begin 2022, this well-known, profound story can provide inspiration when asking ourselves how we would like to proceed forward in life. Although what happens in life on a daily basis can often feel out of our control, the truth is that we have more in our control than we realize.

While understanding that life is full of as many struggles as joys, choosing the right mindset is critical to moving forward in a positive way, despite our challenges. Life evolves every day and provides us with different obstacles, bridges to cross, and choices to make. When everything feels overwhelming, we often begin battling a variety of emotions that can include self-pity, resentment, anger, and even regret. Despite our best efforts to keep our heads above water, these feelings can result in negative self-talk and leave us struggling to find balance and peace of mind.

This is the time to ask yourself a simple question:

Which wolf do I want to feed today?

Attaining inner peace and contentment is all about the way you think. Practice awareness, remind yourself that you have choices, transform your mindset as often as possible, and then welcome the positive results into your life.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.