Where is Your Happy Place?

Many years ago while my daughter was making a rather poor attempt to not itch a mosquito bite, I encouraged her to go to her happy place to quell her uncontrollable need to scratch. In a last desperate effort, she sat on her hands, closed her eyes, and smiled. Curious, I asked her, “Where are you right now?

“In Cheeto Land,” she replied. “It’s a special island where everything is made of Cheetos. The furniture, the roads, and even my teachers are made of Cheetos.” She sighed with pleasure as she murmured, “It is crunchy deliciousness.” With one look at her face, I knew she had truly arrived in her happy place. For a brief moment, the itchy mosquito bite was forgotten and so were all of her troubles. Truthfully, who wouldn’t be happy in Cheeto Land?

My happy place is anywhere in nature. Whether I am by water listening to the waves lap against the shore or on a mountain trail listening to the crunching of leaves under my feet, it is there where I find the most inner-peace and happiness. I choose not to ask why, but instead choose to embrace that this is the place where I feel I most belong.

Sometimes life is challenging, sad, and leaves more questions than answers. Yet for all of us, happiness still waits at our doorstep. It is up to each one of us if we choose to let it in.

Happiness doesn’t need to be pursued like a criminal on the run, but instead, should be acknowledged and welcomed when it quietly tiptoes into our lives like a mother who wants to kiss her baby good-night without waking her.

Happiness can arrive with the simplest of wishes or daydreams—whether it is to dip our toes in the water, watch the sun setting behind a mountain, or to eat our way from one end of Cheeto Land to another.

Happiness is not about what kind of car you drive, how big your house is, or how much money you have in the bank. Happiness is about right now—this very moment—and whether your spirit is joyfully dancing. So the next time you hear a quiet knocking at your door, open it. It might just be happiness waiting to come in and stay a while.

“If you want to be happy, be.”

--Leo Tolstoy

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Stay Humble in an Imperfect World

During a recent television interview profiling the CEO of a global property restoration company, he not only talked about the success of the business he built from the ground up, but also about the one task he is devoted to completing daily.

Every morning, the CEO signs birthday cards for employees celebrating that day and, when possible, includes a personal note. He initially started the process when his team was comprised of just nineteen employees. Today, thousands work for him around the world. When asked why he takes the time to focus on this task when there are many other important issues for him to address each day, he stated that it is important to him to stay humble. It is very possible that this CEO has a loyal team behind him because his actions show that he genuinely cares about those who support him, not just himself and his accomplishments.

So, what does being humble mean exactly?

Having humility in your life and work means that you believe, no matter your title, bank account balance, or material possessions, that you are not better than those around you.

Being humble means:

• You understand the difference between confidence and arrogance.

• You set clear core values for yourself, base your daily actions on those values, and no matter the temptation to stray from those values, you stay true to your mission of being a positive influence on those around you.

• You take time to mentor others by first pointing out their unique talents and strengths, and then guiding them to find their passion and place in the world.

• You never forget those who have helped you along the way by checking in with them on a regular basis to determine if there is a way you can help them achieve greatness.

• You greet those who cross your path with genuine curiosity about how they really are, no matter their title, role, or wealth status.

• You have a willingness to always learn, and never believe you know it all about anything.

While navigating our way through an often competitive world and workplace, it can be tempting to boast about our achievements or focus only on ourselves as a way to stand out. But is that truly the best way to live?

Being humble is not a weakness. Instead, it is a strength that can serve as a trusted guide with a purpose of gently reminding you that life is more than material objects and professional accomplishments. Leading with humility is about being kind, focusing out instead of in, sharing recognition, and practicing gratitude for all the gifts life brings you every day.

“Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others.”

--Gordon B. Hinckley

 Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Exercise: Viewing Life with Awe

On October 13, 2021, ninety-year-old William Shatner became the oldest man to fly in space via the Blue Origin rocket. After the craft touched down on Earth eleven minutes later, Shatner emerged, obviously touched by his experience.

While relaying his post-voyage feelings to Jeff Bezos, Shatner wiped tears and said, “I hope I never recover from this. I hope that I can maintain what I feel now. I just don’t want to lose it.” In short, Shatner was changed forever simply by changing his perspective and seeing the awe in life.

When was the last time you changed your perspective and viewed your life with awe?

 You don’t have to fly to space on a rocket to feel something similar to what Shatner experienced that day. All you have to do is observe your life, experiences, and challenges from a different viewpoint or angle.

Today, make an effort to see your life just as William Shatner saw space and Earth—with wonder, awe, and excitement. All of this in the vast universe—nature, love, difficulties, and joys—is here just for you.

Think about this. You are just a tiny speck in a vast universe. The fact that you are even here is a miracle in itself. As you plug away doing the best you can every day to be a better person, make a contribution, and spread love, it’s important to never lose that feeling of awe and to remember that you are here for a reason.

You are a miracle who has experiences unlike any other in the world. You have the ability to view the world in your own, awe-inspiring way while knowing that what you hold in your head and heart from your experiences and views of your life are yours to keep.

Go outdoors and look up at the enormous sky. Think about all the miracles that surround you every day. Airplanes soaring. Clouds floating by. Birds flying. Stars twinkling. Listen to the wind in the trees. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. All of these are wonders never to be taken for granted.

Be like William Shatner and make a pledge to stay in awe mode. Always.

“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”—Albert Einstein

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - Making Decisions without Becoming Overwhelmed

The thought of making difficult decisions can be overwhelming at times. Because of this, we often become stuck at a crossroads, unable to move forward in life. Guided by our fears of making the wrong decision, we stay in a place where we may not feel fulfilled or content.

The trick to successfully navigating through your thoughts to make the best decision for you is learning to utilize the three voices in life: the head, the heart, and the gut. Each has an important purpose in the decision-making process:

The head creates rules that include core beliefs, expectations, and an objective review of what is possible and not possible.

The heart holds our true desires.

The gut gives us permission to follow what’s in our heart.

Today, think of something positive or good that you would like to see more of in your life. Perhaps you want to live closer to nature. Maybe you want deeper relationships or a more fulfilling job. Close your eyes and place yourself in that picture. See it. Feel it. Invite this experience inside of you.

Now, focus in and listen to what your head is telling you about this experience. Often, your head tells you what you should do. Leave that thought for now.

Next, listen to what your heart is telling you. This will most likely be very different from what your head is telling you. These are your true desires. Step back from these thoughts and leave them there.

Finally, go a little deeper and listen to your gut. Our gut instinct is what we already know deep inside. This is our validator. What is it saying about your decision and desire to pursue this thing you really want more of in your life? Stay there for a few moments. Really listen.

Open your eyes. You should now have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

As you become aware of these three voices and the important part each plays in the decision-making process, bringing them all together as one cohesive voice will help you mindfully contemplate your options, confidently make decisions, and then take small action steps every day that move you in a more positive direction.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice: Finding Quiet in a Busy World

It can be difficult to boost our joy and zest for life and all it has to offer when we feel pulled in several directions every day—all in an attempt to please everyone else, not ourselves. Therefore, while existing in a world that now expects us to be “on” the majority of the time, it is vital to be mindfully aware of our innate need to find a quiet space to reflect, think, and just be.

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.”

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

At least once a week, leave your distractions behind and seek a peaceful place where you can unplug, recharge your battery, and rest your mind. While resting in this space, drink fresh water, write in a journal, listen to the sounds of nature, eat a healthy snack, and take in everything around you with every deep breath. Focus on accepting yourself just as you are; listen to what your head, heart, and gut are saying; and quiet your critical inner voice with positive affirmations.

This is a loving space, just for you. Use it for good, so that others may look at you as an example of how to really live.

 “Peace is its own reward.”

--Mahatma Ghandi

Work is not everything. Our children and grandchildren are not everything. Our spouses are not everything. It is you who is everything. There is only one you. Take good care of yourself.

 Earth teach me quiet ~ as the grasses are still with new light.

Earth teach me suffering ~ as old stones suffer with memory.

Earth teach me humility ~ as blossoms are humble with beginning.

Earth teach me caring ~ as mothers nurture their young.

Earth teach me courage ~ as the tree that stands alone.

Earth teach me limitation ~ as the ant that crawls on the ground.

Earth teach me freedom ~ as the eagle that soars in the sky.

Earth teach me acceptance ~ as the leaves that die each fall.

Earth teach me renewal ~ as the seed that rises in the spring.

Earth teach me to forget myself ~ as melted snow forgets its life.

Earth teach me to remember kindness ~ as dry fields weep with rain.

--A Ute Prayer

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Three Ways to Transform into a Leader

Recently while on a bike ride on a path alongside a creek, I came upon two boys riding side-by-side. As a fork in the path loomed ahead, I overheard one of the boys say, “We’re lost. I don’t know which way to go.”

The other one glanced around to assess their options and then decisively replied, “Follow me. I know the way.” A few seconds later, they were on the right path.

Which one do you think is already a leader?

What makes one a leader and one a follower? How do some lead teams, their children, or athletes through the unknown and their fears to achieve great things while others wait on the sidelines for someone else to take charge?

True leaders either innately possess or learn to refine certain skills as they develop and grow, both personally and professionally. Below are three skills that you can begin polishing and utilizing today to become the kind of leader you’ve always admired:

1.     CONFIDENCE. This skill is often the most challenging to learn and put into practice. Confidence comes when we walk through our fear of failure to take that first step into the unknown. Confidence comes when we focus on lessons learned rather than mistakes or failures, and then adjust our behavior or thought processes to avoid making the same mistakes again.

Action step: An easy way to build confidence is to keep a weekly log of your accomplishments. Review it at the end of every week and then keep the logs in a file you can refer to when you need a little boost.

2.     SOLUTION-FOCUSED. Leaders point their compasses at solving problems, not creating them. Often, they see problems before they occur and begin developing solutions. While others are busy complaining and lamenting about how bad things are, leaders are busy collaborating and developing options that create a clear path forward.

Action step. The next time you identify a problem, begin contemplating action steps you can take to resolve the challenge and create a positive result, either for you or your family, team, or company. Document the steps and then determine what is in your control and whether you need help in implementing solutions. If so, recruit your team and then get to work. 

3.     MOTIVATIONAL. True leaders have the ability to motivate others to be the best they can be, even when delivering less-than-ideal news. By focusing on strengths, praising good work, and helping manage weaknesses, they provide the kind of encouragement that boosts confidence in everyone around them.

Action step. Make a point of recognizing achievements around you. Even small contributions can have big impacts or lasting positive implications. Focus your attention on others instead of yourself. Express gratitude and show appreciation. We can all learn from everyone, not just those at our same level. 

By implementing the action steps and focusing on refining the three skills listed above, you can transform into a true leader and a shining example for all who cross your path.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Are You Living in the Past, the Future, or the Present?

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future,

focus on living fully in the present.” ―Roy T. Bennett

There are three ways to live life. One is to constantly return to the past where we seize the opportunity to identify our regrets, relive our mistakes, and question why we have had to endure challenges.

The second is to live in the future where we seemingly believe that if we gaze into an imagined crystal ball, we can somehow predict everything that is going to happen to us, even when we know deep inside that life is more often unpredictable than not.

Finally, we can choose to live in the present, where we are mindfully aware that we are most content when we embrace every moment with wonderment, gratitude, and curiosity.

While it is sometimes helpful to return to the past to heal old wounds or identify learning lessons to take forward in a positive way, or to temporarily look into the future in order to set attainable goals or pinpoint how to align ourselves with our best life, living in the present invites us to journey to a place of acceptance where we openly welcome all that life brings, both good and bad, while knowing that with each experience, we are provided with an opportunity to learn and become better versions of ourselves.

As terrific as that idea sounds, it can seem like a daunting task, especially when we have been living in either the past or the future for some time. So what can we do to make this task become more effortless?

First, practice becoming mindfully aware of when you are expending unnecessary energy to return to the past to beat yourself up or attempting to imagine a future that has not unfolded.

When you realize you are living in the past or future, gently bring your mind back to the here and now. Look around you. Really see everything: your family members, the flowers in your garden, or your pets. Identify one thing to be grateful for right now. Breathe.

Lastly, think of an easy phrase that allows you to bring yourself back to the present whenever you find yourself living elsewhere. That phrase could be, “Here and now,” or “Stay focused,” or “Be present.” Repeat this phrase several times until you feel yourself right here, right now, in this moment.

If you find yourself living in the past or the future, remember that you are not alone. Everyone deals with this challenge at some point in their lives. With that said, it is important to note that the most content people have developed and then incorporated a consistent daily practice that promotes a “be here now” mindset.

Be patient with yourself as you begin this practice. Even the best habits take time to implement. You are here to learn and grow. By implementing this disciplined practice, you are doing just that.

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“Sometimes what a person needs is not a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.” —Unknown

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Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Learning to Set Boundaries and Create a New Plan in a Post-COVID World

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”–Napoleon Hill

The events of the past year have transformed our lives in many ways we could have never imagined. Most have had to reluctantly isolate from loved ones, friends, and co-workers in order to keep them safe. Some have had to find a way to care for their children and ensure they were properly home-schooled while simultaneously working from home. Others have had to say goodbye to loved ones who sadly could not live to see a vaccine and brighter days.

The challenges, at times, have seemed insurmountable. Yet despite the many obstacles that have been placed in front of each of us, no matter how different, we have all been provided with the opportunity to learn about ourselves, what is important to us, and what we want for our futures.

Now as the world slowly begins to reopen, we are being provided with yet another opportunity to take what we have learned and utilize it to set boundaries and create a plan that ensures long-term contentment from this point forward.

Think of yourself as a seed that has been planted deep beneath the Earth for the past year. As you slowly stretch to reach the light above, now is the time to decide how you want to grow and bloom to become the best version of yourself. Below are a few introspective questions to ask yourself as you begin to immerse yourself into the world:

• What would I like to take from this experience and use for good as I emerge into the light?

• What (or who) do I need to learn to say no to?

• How can I better understand my limits?

• What boundaries do I need to put in place before I move any further down this path?

• Who do I want to surround myself with?

• How can I continue to care for myself and slow down, just as I did during the pandemic?

• How can I be here now, not the past or the future, and live with less anxiety and more confidence?

• Do I want to be someone others want me to be or to be a more authentic version of myself?

• How do I ultimately want to present myself to the world … today and always? 

Every day, our lives are filled with choices that come with consequences, good or bad. During the past year, we all had to make decisions that were not easy. Some provided wonderful benefits; others came with consequences that were less than desirable. The good news is we learned that we are strong, that love is what matters, and that we have more control over our mindset than we ever imagined.

You have a choice today as to how you want to grow, bloom, and leave your mark in humanity’s garden. All you have to do is look within for the answers.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Be Like an Ultramarathoner to Overcome Challenges

Ultramarathoners are a special breed of runners who train for and participate in races longer than the traditional marathon of 26.2 miles. Races often start at 30+ miles and can be as lengthy as 100 miles. The ability to complete these races depends on several characteristics that lie inside all of us: grit, endurance, and the ability to forge ahead with a focused mindset that does not fixate on others in the race, but instead on their own path forward.

Even if you’re not an ultramarathoner, you can utilize the above characteristics to help you overcome those seemingly insurmountable challenges that sometimes create roadblocks that prompt you to wonder if you’ll ever find a way over or around obstacles.

A competitive runner knows the keys to achieving goals in a race. Thankfully these secrets to success can easily be transferred to nearly any situation that life throws your way:

Confidence. Greater confidence comes from identifying and then conquering fears. Confidence also grows when you put a plan in place to address the issue, one step at a time, rather than procrastinating which only causes more worry about failing. By simply jogging in place, you will never reach the finish line. Inch along a little bit every day and reevaluate as necessary. Confidence comes with doing.

Mental strength. Mental strength is having the will to continue, even when you think you can’t. Feeling apprehensive or scared is all part of stepping outside your comfort zone. Identifying your strengths and talents and then finding a way to use them to overcome your challenges is paramount to achieving mental toughness.

Positive self-talk. It’s important to remember the value of positive self-talk. Removing the words “I don’t think I can” from our inner-dialogue the first step to achieving goals. Replace “I can’t” with “I will.” I will finish this race. I will come out on the other side of this experience a better, stronger person.

Visualization. Competitive runners often visualize the finish line when they “hit the wall” (an analogy for when they think they cannot continue). An important component of being able to overcome challenges is the ability to picture better days and a positive outcome in your mind. Take time every day to visualize the best possible results that you can attain from all your efforts.

A support crew. We all need a great support crew, ready to cheer us on from the sidelines. Surround yourself with a group of positive, strong supporters who believe in you, who provide honest feedback when asked, and can hold you accountable to fulfill what you have envisioned for yourself and your life.

Focusing on your own journey. It can be challenging to not compare yourself to others, either while competing in a race or moving through life. But comparing yourself to others and what they are achieving only hinders your own progress. Focus on yourself and your path. You are like no one else in life and neither is your journey. Remember this: the only person better than you is embedded in you.

No matter where you are in life, you have the power within you to utilize the above characteristics to first address and then overcome any challenge that comes your way. Think like a competitive runner. Create a positive inner dialogue, build confidence by doing, and focus on your own journey. When you cross the finish line, celebrate with your support group. You deserve it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

When the Worst Case Scenario Turns Out to be the Best Case Scenario

Gohei Nishikawa first took up the piano when he was a teenager living in Osaka, Japan. After nurturing dreams of playing professionally, he eventually gave up his aspirations when he couldn’t seem to break into the competitive field. But one day while filling in for another pianist during a recital, Nishikawa was discovered as a promising new talent. Shortly after moving to New York to study under American pianist, David Bradshaw, Nishikawa performed his first solo concert without any idea of the challenges that would lie ahead for him in the next year.

A few months later, Nishikawa noticed his hands becoming unusually stiff and ultimately received devastating news. He had focal dystonia, a chronic condition that causes muscles to involuntarily tighten. With limited use of his hands, it seemed his dream of playing professionally had died once again. Nishikawa, desperate and depressed for relief, attempted suicide.

After eventually coming to accept his situation, Nishikawa found work in a preschool and attempted to move on with his life. But when he was asked by the principal to play a song for the children in the classroom, everything suddenly changed for Nishikawa when he sat down at the piano after a long absence and realized the children only loved the music, not how his hands looked or the way his fingers operated. It was then that he began creating his own way to play, despite his physical challenges. Eight years after his diagnosis, Nishikawa officially made his professional debut. In eight more years, he played in the main hall at Carnegie Hall.

Today, Nishikawa performs around the world, demonstrating to his audience that many things are possible with perseverance and ingenuity. He is grateful for his physical challenge because it has helped him appreciate the smallest gifts in life. The words he lives by every day are, “The worst case scenario can turn out to be the best case scenario.”

In this mindfulness practice, think about a time in your life when the worst case scenario may have led you to a best case scenario you could never have imagined in your wildest dreams. Perhaps you endured an agonizing breakup, only to find the love of your life a few months later. Maybe you lost your job, only to find a much better role at a growing company. Perhaps you received a disheartening health diagnosis, only to find a devoted new friend in a support group.

Now as you continue to reflect, ask yourself, “What did I learn during this time? How have I changed for the better because of that experience? What am I more grateful for now than I was before?” It is important to recognize these valuable lessons as gifts, just as Nishikawa did.

Gohei Nishikawa nearly gave up during his darkest days. He openly shares his story today with the hope that he is an inspiration to others enduring their own darkness. While letting his stiff fingers seemingly dance across the keys in front of global audiences, he transformed into a perfect example of what can happen when we believe in ourselves and our ability to persevere and implement creative solutions, even while enduring a worst case scenario. 

To listen to Gohei Nishikawa’s performance at the United Nation’s 70th anniversary concert in 2019, click here: https://youtu.be/Erxpc6Doins

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.